I mean, I am qualified to write on this, so, don’t worry.
I am 25 (about to be 26 soon on December 20th, so send me the birthday gifts now, LOL) and male.
So, I know what the struggles of being a 20-something-year-old male is, in particular in the USA.
From hair loss, to getting dumped by girls, to finding your career…it gets pretty messy.
And sometimes, there are just no good solutions to some of these issues.
While we are trying to find true happiness, we end up making our life more and more complex sometimes.
And keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper into the hole of just mundane everydayness.
I know this is going on in other men’s lives as well.
So, I wanted to write this article to share with you guys some of the challenges of life as a man in your 20’s.
Maybe you can relate to some of these.
May be you are unaffected by any of these.
Whatever the case may be, I think it’s worth at least acknowledging that some of these things are very real struggles many of us men deal with it.
Let’s jump right in.
College stress can make life seem miserable and seems merciless at times
I really hate college, personally.
Although, I did go to college and even got my Bachelor’s degree, I am really not a fan of it.
I think that colleges are very ineffective at providing education that is actually meaningful and applicable (with the exception of a few fields such as Medical).
Have you ever wondered why you never learned how to file your taxes in college?
But you learned all about Edgar Allen Poe’s horror stories.
You learned differential equations, but did not learn how to calculate profit margins, how to improve your credit score, or how to invest money in ways that actually produce positive ROI.
And college is stressful.
Certainly not a way to achieve deep learning in any domain.
Teachers stand at the front of the classroom and lecture for about 2 hours.
He then tells you to go home and read another 50 pages.
You then have a test on chapters 1-5 next week.
I don’t get it.
You were not instructed to do ANYTHING with the material presented to you.
You just used your sense of hearing to interact with it.
How do they expect you to actually learn the material if you do not engage any of your other senses to interact with the material?
If all you did was just read a book and answer some irrelvant questions about the book in a test, why did you even go to class?
Why even register for that classroom course if you are just reading books at home all day?
Might as well have stayed in bed and read by yourself!
College can be stressful.
My recommendation is, if you know what you want to do, and there is a way you can do it without going to college, then don’t go to college.
Your money will be much better spent going to conferences, and you definitely won’t be in debt!
You graduate college with a degree only to realize you are having to still fight to get a job at the local gas station or restaurant
Told you, don’t go to college if you can help it!
Getting a job seems like the hardest thing to do these days as a 20-something year old.
Whether you went to college or not.
It does not even matter.
Jobs are not easy to get.
And when you get one, they are even harder to keep.
And it is not your fault.
It is the fault of the wealthy people.
According to The New York Times, the richest 1 percent in the United States now own more wealth than the bottom 90 percent.
And these people are making you their slaves.
Because you buy from them.
You give them your money.
So that they can make you into their slave, and make you work for them, and pay you $7.25 an hour.
Stop giving your money to large corporations.
Stop doing this.
Don’t tip your waiter either.
It is not your responsibility to tip your waiter.
These large companies are paying their employees nothing and making them earn their living by begging off of you.
The more you tip, the less the companies will pay to the employes.
Keep this in mind.
So, all the waiters who will read this and complain, let me ask you something.
And you get mad that me, the customer, because I did not tip you anything and pay the rest of your salary?
Is it my job to pay your salary when all my money that I would pay you is going to the rich corporate restaurant instead?
Guys, don’t hunt for jobs.
Stop doing it.
Take the leap of faith and go start your own business.
Even if you have to live like a beggar and a bum in the beginning and go back to your parent’s house.
But do not get a job and sell your life away to some rich corporation.
Go start your own business and you will never have to fight for a minimum wage job ever again in your life.
You start realizing that you can no longer keep long hair even if you want to, and your hair keeps getting thinner and thinner by the day
This one is for the most part out of your control.
Men tend to lose their hair around this age due to genetic reasons and also some environmental reasons.
Male pattern baldness will probably hit you if you are genetically predisposed to it, but certain things in the environment and your lifestyle can start the process earlier than it would have and speed up the process.
Stress and using too much hair products and shampoos can definitely be a catalyst to hair loss at an earlier age.
But the reality is that it will catch up to you sooner or later.
Obviously, it is a lot worse when it starts in your 20’s.
My recommendation is for you to figure out if you are okay with it or not.
If you don’t care much for hair then just shave it all off or keep a low buzz cut and get buff and ripped.
You will look pretty good.
If you want hair, however, I think you should seek out some of the options available out on the market today.
You can try your luck with hair transplantation if your surgeon recommends you as a candidate for it.
You can try medications on the market for hair loss such as rogaine or Propecia.
You can go the scalp tattoo route.
Or you can even try hair systems.
Whatever you do choose, make sure you are comfortable with it.
The bottom line is that you have to feel confident with your self-image.
If you think you look good, you probably do.
If you don’t think so, the chances are, you probably don’t.
So, go out there and tackle your hair loss like a Boss!
If you don’t like your hair loss issue, do something about it instead of crying and mourning about it.
You eat little and mostly healthy, workout sometimes, but still keep gaining weight
The thing is that your metabolism slows down the older you get.
So, even though your activity levels and diet might be the same as when you were a teenager, your body will want to store more weight, now that you are older.
The most annoying of this is the lower back and belly fat.
This fat is so stubborn and does not go away no matter how many crunches you do, how many games of basketball you play, and how many carrots you eat!
Well, it seems that way at least!
But the thing is that this is normal…(unless you are an avid smoker and spending all your dough to buy premium cigars online, then you will stay fat).
You should not expect your metabolism to the same when you are 25 as it was when you were 16.
So, what can you do about this?
Guys, listen, it’s simple: Eat less and exercise more.
Personally, I recommend the ketogenic diet.
You can eat anything you want, but just do not eat ANY sugar or any carbs at all.
Just focus on eating meat, fish, and veggies.
Oh, yeah, no fruit or fruit juice either.
Drink veggie juice instead.
All the nutrients you get from fruit, you can actually get them from vegetables.
Also, try to maintain a low calorie diet and be on a caloric deficit if you want to lose weight.
You will see muscle development without getting too bulky or gaining more lower belly fat.
My recommendation is to play sports.
Pick a sport you love and play it at least 3-4 times per week for at least an hour.
You should be lean and look great!
I also recommend hiring a personal trainer.
Having a personal trainer is super helpful because she can not only tell you what you need to eat and how much and how often, but design a workout and meal plan that is specifically geared toward helping you achieve exactly the body type that you want.
Once you really get into it, you will realize that it literally is like an art form.
It almost like you can craft your body into the shape that you want it to be (within the limitations of your genetics, of course).
You notice that you have less and less friends and fewer and fewer people start “hitting you up” on a weekly basis
This is by far one of the most devastating things that starts happening after college.
You see, in college, it’s super easy to make friends.
Because you see the same people over and over and you actually have a reason to see them on a regular basis.
All those people who were part of your frat, and you guys were “bros for life”….
Yeah…how come you haven’t gotten a call or text from any of your homies in the last 2 years??
Were these people really your friends?
Let alone brothers…
Or did you guys all just pay some organization money so you can be their slave and gain some popularity on campus?
And get laid by a few girls?
Before you go off on me for saying this, I will admit, I am part of a fraternity also.
I am in Zeta Beta Tau.
Do I have really good friends in ZBT?
Do I hang out with any of them now that we are out of college?
Few have ever hit me back up after college.
I am not saying I hate these people for that or that I regret it or something.
I mean, to be fair, I haven’t hit them up much either after college.
But the point I am trying to drive home here is that after college, these social groups will not be there anymore.
The people you were seeing on a daily basis because you guys were both part of something which required you to see each other…
Yeah, do not count on those to continue after college.
So, my personal recommendation here is to quickly get involved in organizations in your community where there are people who share the same interests as you.
I am involved at churches, sports events, regularly workout with my trainer, swing dance, and go to as many networking and business related events in my city as I can.
You can take a similar approach and get involved with things which are related to what you enjoy doing.
You can also just post on Facebook and simply as your friends for recommendations :)
But, no matter what, you NEED to have a social life.
No matter what, do not become a recluse, and get fat, and hide away from the world.
Don’t be this guy, PLEASE!
Try to build solid friendships which will last you a lifetime.
Those are the friends you really want to invest your precious time into.
And make sure they are spending just as much time with you without you having to initiate it all the time.
Get them to invest into you also.
You are single. And no matter how hard you try to get a girlfriend, it just not work. You begin to think you are ugly and will die alone for sure
Well, if you think that, then change it!
If you think you are ugly, then figure out how you can look good!
Stop just “accepting” how you are as the only way you can be.
You probably WILL die alone if you do not go out there and actively meet women with a purpose in mind.
Like, you have to actively seek out the person you are looking to find.
You cannot simply say things like “Oh, God has the perfect person waiting for me. I will meet her when it is time.”
No, that is not correct.
God only helps those who help themselves.
You need to try your best and only then, let God do the rest.
So, if you think girls do not like because you are too fat, then go out there and start training.
Get out of your house and go do something active.
Play a sport.
Hire a personal trainer like I did.
Make a public commitment to lose weight in a given number of weeks, etc.
Do SOMETHING about it.
Don’t just sit there and accept it as your “fate”.
If you think girls do not date you because you are creepy, then STOP being creepy!
I would recommend that you watch YouTube videos on how to be charismatic.
How to talk to women.
How to approach them with confidence.
And read books.
There are so many good books on “people skills” that you can go and read, and they will improve your people and talking skills overnight.
Some I personally read and recommend are:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Influence by Robert Cialdini
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely
Pitch Anything: An Innovative Method for Presenting, Persuading, and Winning the Deal by Oren Klaff
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
But, most importantly you need to go out there and meet girls and talk to people.
If your job is primarily behind the computer like mine is, then you need to actively make it a priority to go out and do things where you can meet women.
You can’t just expect to sit at home or behind a computer at work and think your people skills will increase.
For me, it took working at a gas station for a couple of months before my people skills shot up, and I became better at talking to random strangers and making them laugh.
You can also do door to door selling for practice and fun.
It should improve your skills with people.
And if your people skills go up, automagically your skills with talking to people and meeting girls will also go up.
Give it a try!
But, please do not be Single if you don’t want to.
Searching for girls has an opportunity cost.
So, if you do think you have found someone, go all in with both feet into the relationship and stay committed in it.
Do not take the approach of trying to find a better deal and taking it as soon as it comes by.
Don’t dump your committed girlfriend just because someone hotter or better comes by.
Think about the opportunity cost factor.
How much time did you spend to find her?
Are you okay with increasing your opportunity cost just to start all over again?
However, if you are not happy with the girl you are with, do not spend more time with her.
Find someone who is a fit for you and is willing to give you a lifetime commitment.
Someone who makes the relationship a priority in her life.
And then build your life around her’s and encourage her to build her’s around yours.
If you make her a priority in your life while she is making you an option, reconsider your relationship.
Is she really into you?
Are you sure?
You begin to think of how you can find true and never-ending joy and ultimate happiness
Well, you see my good friend, the thing is that happiness is not something that comes from external factors.
It is something that comes from within you.
You are actually fully in control of your happiness the same way you are in control of your anger.
So, stop chasing the magical rose garden that is over the horizon.
Chances are that it is probably not magical and probably not even a rose garden.
It is merely an illusion.
After you get it, you might not like it.
Instead, try to enjoy the flowers which are blooming outside of your window today.
I used to think so hard on how I can find true and consistent happiness.
I thought if I just surround myself with the people I love, be part of a community that supports me, have a steady girlfriend, and get support from friends and family, and make some money, I would be happy.
Well turns out it was much simpler than that all along.
I found happiness simply by changing how I view my surroundings.
I count my blessings on a daily basis.
I look at all the things and people I have and how much value they bring to my life.
I try to always stay active and focus on living in the present moment and enjoying every single moment with those who matter to me.
I find happiness by helping others and seeing a smile on their face.
I find happiness by serving God.
I find happiness by just being happy that I am alive and that I have good health.
You do not need to have certain things to be content.
If that were the case, then there would be a strong positive correlation between someone’s relative income and how happy they report themselves as.
But it turns out, after a certain amount of basic wealth that we need (based on where we are located), more money does not necessarily make us happier.
Yes, it can certainly give you more ability to do the things you want to do.
I do not think money changes people or is a bad thing by any means.
People stay who they are whether they make little or a lot of money.
I think money simply makes us more of who we already are.
It gives us the chance to actually do some of the things more than what we are already doing.
So, if you really want to find happiness, my recommendation is that you begin to constantly see things in a positive way.
Like as soon as a negative thought comes to your head (including death), instantly change how you view the situation.
View it with a positive light, and your mood will suddenly change again.
You will find that it is not so bad afterall.
Do this with people too, by the way.
Focus on the positive things you can find in them and try to ignore the negatives as much as you can.
You will realize that you will make more friends and influence more people.
People will be drawn to your positive attitude and mindset.
Personally, my faith, close friends, family, caffeine, and my active and purposeful lifestyle allows me to always be content and be happy with how things are in my life.
I do not need any external forces to find contentment.
Hey, like I said before, give it a try.
At least for 30 days, and see if it works.
If it does not, try another approach!
But it just might work for ya ;)
I did not write this article to solve all of your issues as a 20-something year old.
My goal in writing this piece was to highlight some of the common things that men in this age groups in the United States tend to experience.
I want you to know that you are not the only one going through these.
There are thousand of other men in your shoes who are going through these same things.
My only hope from this article is that it makes you think.
It make you wonder, do you HAVE to accept things as they are?
Do you HAVE to see your life and the issues in your life as a fate that you can’t change?
Or, can you change things?
Can you take massive action and change the things you do not like about your life?
At what point will the intolerance of your present reach the tipping point and create your future?
If you can’t change it, can you at least change how you view the situation and see it with a more positive life?
At the very least, can you get up tomorrow morning, and instead of worrying about all of these issues, step outside of your front porch and stare at the flowers blooming outside of your window for a few minutes?
Can you Hope rather than Worry?